Douglas Dodgson

(#1 is here)

In 2007, after a long time of wanting to, I started a zine (called “Say It Ain’t So”) which lasted for one issue. It featured artwork by a friend, poetry by a poet I liked, a short essay by a coworker, a “conversation” with a coworker, music reviews by myself and a list of current interesting events in Southern California.

I got a great response from friends, and a few places (like the Borders by my house) let me put out issues.

I had a very particular idea about how they should look, which meant that each one cost more than $2 to produce. I spent between $60 and $100, I can’t remember how much.

With my “startup” money ( :) ) depleted, I did not know how to produce another issue. I thought I should try to get advertising from local businesses, and my shyness kicked in, making me afraid to call. Several friends advised me it was a waste of time, that no one would want to support something like this. I thought about emailing local businesses and can’t remember if I did or not, I certainly did not get any reponses. But not getting any responses at all is a running theme through my attempts to “publish” and “market” my creative work, so that’s not a big surprise.

I got a second poet and artist lined up and had friends asking me when the next issue would be ready. The poet I had published wrote me to tell me he thought my record reviews were too long and “self-serving.” I was disappointed because I was very excited about reviewing in a more in-depth way, the way I wished reviews were written. Since it became clear that, even among very close friends, he was the only person who had read the album reviews at all, I let myself waver on writing any more.

I approached a number of friends and asked them to be involved with writing, they were all excited and wanted to be involved. That was the last I heard from many of them. Of those who followed up at all, my memory is of people getting back with no writing but a suggestion for how they thought I should change the format or topics. Probably good advice, but I had no real content yet, so nothing to change.

I decided to try and do interviews, and I scheduled an interview with a friend’s band. They were kind to go to dinner and sit for several hours with me. I sat down to transcribe the tape and realized it was very, very difficult to (a) write an intro about your friends and (b) craft a good interview out of hours of tape. I spent dozens of hours on this but failed to push myself through.

I thought I might get some free promotional materials from small industries if I promised to review them. A songwriter from Oakland was very interested, and after several reminders, after each of which she apologized and promised to send a CD right out, I gave up.

Emergency personal expenses arrived, making paying for production impossible. The first writer I worked with decided that since I didn’t want her ideas for how to change the format or focus, that I didn’t respect her and she would not write anything else. She wrote one last small thing for me. I fiddled with the pieces I had, but did not have anything substantial enough to be worth printing and no money to print it. The new artist kept asking when she would be published. I showed the first issue to a girl I had started dating and she said she didn’t understand who would want to read it.

Finally I realized I was not yet good at editorial writing and didn’t have the time to learn, as much as I wished I did. I allowed continual lack of help and repeated criticism to cloud my ideas about what I wanted to do. Finally it hurt so much to keep thinking of it not happening, I stopped. Eventually the artist stopped asking about it. I’m almost to a point again now where I might be able to afford to pay to produce some. I wonder if I should try to do it, just for the sake of it.